How PSYCH-K® Facilitates Recovery from Narcissistic Abuse 

 

I grew up with three narcissistic parents and later went on to attract and then suffer through a number of relationships, platonic and romantic, with narcissists. I love each of these people with all of my heart and felt betrayed, devalued, neglected, blamed, attacked, and more. I felt insecure about my self worth, competence, safety, capability, and my view of the world while I was in those relationships and then thereafter. There was fundamentally an imbalance. In retrospect, I should have given myself equal love and in doing so would not have tolerated the dynamics that arose in these relationships. Of course having released all that pain now, it seems so obvious. But at the time, it was difficult for me to see what I now know.

As crazy as it may sound, I don't think I'd go back and change anything that happened because it made me who I am today. Forgiving those people, accepting them for who they are, and now making choices that honor my needs while at the same time respecting theirs (whether they've stuck around in this new dynamic or have left) has inspired a strength in me that I wouldn't trade for anything. And forgiving the unforgivable, while no longer tolerating it, has been the highest form of love I have experienced and the closest I have ever felt to Divinity. It also empowered me to create relationships that are truly joyful and fulfilling. I completed this transformation through the following:  

 

1: Envisioning the Best Outcome (Beyond What Seems Possible)

Knowing what you don't want is not the same thing as knowing what you do want. Say the universe is gives you x and you tell it you don't want x. It could give you every letter of the alphabet before it gets to the one letter you really wanted. Whereas when it gives x and you tell it you want b, it'll give you b much more quickly. So to arrive at my ideal outcome, I first needed to outline what that was. I asked myself:

  • What would you see in your desired reality?
  • What would you hear in your desired reality? What would you be saying to yourself and what would you hear others saying?
  • How would you feel in that reality?
  • What would you believe in that reality?
  • How would you behave in that reality and what qualities would you have?
  • What qualities would your relationships have?
  • What qualities would the people in those relationships have?

 

2: Increasing Self Awareness

Once I knew where I wanted to be, I then needed to figure out where I was before I could chart the path to my new reality. A few prompts that helped me see myself clearly were:

  • What sensations do you have in your body? 
    • In my experience, my body could tell me what emotions I had stuffed before I realized they were suppressed / repressed. As someone who learned to bottle up my real thoughts and feelings at a young age, it had become so second nature to me that my baseline was very rigid and numb. Some of the physical tells that indicated I was triggered (experiencing nervous system dysregulation and emotional dysregulation) include:
      • Tight masseter / TMJ / teeth grinding / jaw clenching
      • Indigestion / tension in the gut 
      • Chronic fatigue / exhaustion
      • Difficulty falling / staying asleep
      • Back pain
      • Skin conditions such as eczema and acne
      • Poor posture (perpetually contracted / in defense mode)
      • Evasive eye contact
      • Tightening of throat
      • Holding breath / shallow breathing
      • Fidgeting
      • Numbness
  • How are you feeling about the dynamic? Insecure, angry, resentful, scared, hopeless, sad, and/or anything else?
  • What other times have you had this experience in your life?
  • What patterns are there, if any, and what is the story behind them?
    • The story indicates what beliefs you may have about yourself, others, and life.
  • How do you react to the dynamic? 
    • There were a number of was I would react including:
      • Silencing myself 
      • Continuing after conflict without repairing or reaching resolution
  • In what ways do your behaviors perpetuate the dynamic?
    • This reflection prompt is not intended to suggest victim fault, but instead curb old behaviors and inspire new ones to create the desired dynamic. There were a number of ways I perpetuated the dynamic including 
      • Valuing the relationship more than myself
      • Failing to articulate my thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs 
      • Failing to uphold my boundaries and standards 
      • Being overly empathetic and excusing
      • Assuming responsibility for managing others emotions / perceptions 
  • With whom do you resist interacting? Who triggers you? 
  • Who are you resenting and where are you withholding forgiveness?
  • What specific memories eat at you?

In addition to reflection, holotropic breathwork and psychedelics were immensely helpful in revealing what was buried in my subconscious. They revealed the pieces of me which were frozen in time at the traumatic events as well as the beliefs and perceptions which came from those events and perpetuated less than desirable patterns in my current experience. 

 

3: Working with PSYCH-K®

With a clear picture of where I was and where I preferred to be, PSYCH-K® then facilitated my journey to that destination by aligning my subconscious beliefs to support the creation of my conscious desires. PSYCH-K® was key to integrating all that I learned and reshaping my potential, mindset, and behaviors to create the reality I wanted to experience. A number of the balances that helped me make this transformation include:

  • Transformation of Perception of Stress Protocol — I completed this process for major traumas I had experienced, which helped me internalize a sense of peace and non attachment around each of them. It removed the emotion (anger, fear, sadness, etc.) from the memories and left wisdom and inner peace
  • Relationship Balance — Looking in the mirror, I completed this process to balance my relationship with myself so that I could be more at peace with myself. I also did it via surrogation with another PSYCH-K® facilitator to balance meaningful relationships which weighed on my heart
  • Core Belief Balance — This process is a kind of catch-all designed to create greater harmony mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt much lighter once I completed this Balance
  • Messages Protocol — Emotions carry messages and the more the message is missed, the more intense the emotion grows. This protocol helps to discern whatever message the situation or condition is trying to communicate so that it can be fully received and then integrated into our being
  • New Reality Protocol — This protocol is a way of getting guidance from our future selves who are already living the life we would like to create and experience. I find it extremely helpful in getting from where I already am to where I would like to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually
  • Individual Balances — Completed for the most part through either the New Direction Balance or the Resolution Balance
    • I forgive myself and others 
    • I always recognize and honor my thoughts, feelings, needs, and wants
    • I matter
    • I always am / feel worthy of love, friendship, connection, acceptance, etc. just for who I am
    • It is always safe for me to love and be loved
    • I always feel safe within myself and within the world
    • I always love myself
    • I always trust myself
    • I take responsibility for my life 
    • I always treat myself and others with kindness and compassion
    • I trust others to manage their own emotions
    • I always feel safe to speak my truth
    • I am always proud of who I am and what I do (designed to replace feeling ashamed to be me)
    • And more...

It's important to note that individual balances are neither affirmations nor toxic positivity. Instead, they are statements we would like to be true and intentions that are set during the balancing process which facilitate a somatic experience and energetic shift. The transformation is sustained indefinitely post balance.

 

4: Taking Aligned Action 

PSYCH-K® is like water that extinguishes outdated emotional fires and waters / nourishes the seeds we'd like to grow in our life. Those seeds need action to fruit. Action steps vary by balance, but I knew right off the bat that I needed to equip myself with the skills to create safe love since I'd never been exposed to them in childhood. Specifically, I needed to learn how to communicate and connect better with those in my life. The books Non-Violent Communication and Connect: Building Exceptional Relationships with Family, Friends, and Colleagues were immensely helpful to me. I also needed to practice those skills so I consciously chose to act on what I learned and if for some reason I fell back on old patterns, I reflected on what might be driving that for me and repeated steps 1 - 4 outlined above. 

The other thing I noticed is that all the emotional turmoil in these dynamics manifested in my physiology as tension patterns in my body. To release these and create a greater sense of ease in my body I began doing these fascial maneuvers daily. 

  

 

The Results

As of writing this post, I no longer have any narcissistic friends and I've made new friends who are deeply caring. My relationships with my dads has completely transformed (to my surprise) and they seem to have totally surrendered their historical narcissistic tendencies and assumed accountability and developed empathy. I actually really enjoy spending time with them which is amazing because for many years I wanted to never see them again. My relationship with my mother is a work in progress. That said, I love her infinitely and we still spend time — just with boundaries. And when she does things which are narcissistic, I no longer take it personally or feel hurt by it — which is miraculous progress within itself.

 

 

Fast Tracking Recovery

To accelerate your journey to a life you love, book a session.

Written by Emma Soleil

More stories

Peak Performance on Command: Program the Subconscious for Success with PSYCH-K®

As a former competitive gymnast, student, and investor I have firsthand experience with performance anxiety and how it unconsciously creates self s...

How PSYCH-K® Helps to Process Grief and Heal Heartbreak

Whether it's due to the loss of a loved one, a relationship in turmoil, or identity / purpose crisis, the heartbreak, sadness, and grief can be devastating. In those times, PSYCH-K® can help to alleviate the pain and cultivate the resilience necessary to process those emotions and go on to create a life you love.