Healing the Mother Wound

I have experienced a chronically strained relationship with my mother and as an adult I've realized the profound effects of that dynamic on my being. Symptoms included disconnection from self, perfectionism, people pleasing, distrust of others, low self esteem, and low self worth. The hurt I felt was profoundly painful and yet I don't fault her for any of our dynamic any more. While it could have been better, I believe she gave (and still gives) me all the love she believes she has and she has always done the best she knows. And that matters, even as it doesn't undo any of the hurt I felt. She's actually not responsible for my feelings (even as she is responsible for what she says and does) so a major benefit of our dynamic is that it showed me where I needed to shore up my relationship to myself and give myself the love and acceptance which I was unconsciously seeking through her (and likely others). PSYCH-K® helped me integrate that knowing, transform it into my feelings, and embody it in my being. Ultimately this has dramatically improved my relationship to myself and by consequence with others. It's also helped me better regulate my emotions and nervous system which has then improved my health, specifically my skin which when I'm distressed develops eczema or acne, and my digestion. But what is it about PSYCH-K® that's made it so helpful?

PSYCH-K® enabled me to quickly and effectively balance appreciating what is while also forgiving what is — not just in concept, but actually to truly feel appreciation and forgiveness. It's important to note that forgiveness in this case is offering grace, not tolerance. In my view, tolerance is actually very unloving to both self and other because it settles for less than the highest and best we can imagine instead of inviting/encouraging it. The exercise between my mother and me, as with everything I've observed in life, is balancing love for self and love for other. PSYCH-K® imbued me with the courage to invite my mother into a healthier relationship and feel ok with whatever her reaction is instead of afraid of or saddened by any particular outcome. In the balance between authenticity and attachment, PSYCH-K® has empowered me to be authentic and therefore securely attached to myself first and foremost, instead of self sacrificing to remain painfully attached to others.

PSYCH-K® has also helped me release judgment and criticism and instead practice discernment. This shift away from judging/criticizing her and others while offering them grace has incidentally led me to be much kinder and compassionate to myself as well. I now honor my boundaries and preferences with kindness and care and am gentle with myself when encouraging positive transformations.


How Do You Get Rid of the Mother Wound?

The process of working with PSYCH-K® through the mother wound took me several months to figure out and I continue to work with PSYCH-K® to embody my highest and best self. Thus far, here's what Balances I've found helpful for working through the mother wound:

  • Relationship Balance — I balanced both my relationship to myself and the relationship to my mother. I have found it helpful in creating a state of peace internally about the balanced relationships, even as conflict may still continue to arise between the balanced parties
  • Messages Protocol — I do this protocol whenever I feel triggered to see what the message the feeling, situation, and/or condition has for me. It helps me see the forest through the trees and quickly integrate whatever I need to
  • Transformation of Perception of Stress — I did this for all the core painful memories I had between me and my mom. This process enabled me to feel at peace with what happened and forgiveness. It almost creates a kind of emotional amnesia where the memory of the event remains but all of the emotional charge behind it is gone
  • Individual Balances — These are new subconscious programs I installed to support the creation of my desired experience/reality. The process to integrate them included the New Direction BalanceResolution Balance, and/or Energy Focusing. A number of them were:
    • I am always happy with myself
    • I am always proud of myself
    • I am always kind to myself and others
    • I accept myself
    • I love myself
    • I feel/am worthy of love, kindness, care, consideration, attention, and prioritization 
    • I feel/am chosen
    • I always feel loved and I always have enough love 
    • I always feel secure in myself and in life
    • I am important, I matter, and I am valuable to the universe  — especially useful if you were an "accident" or "surprise"
    • I positively impact people  — especially helpful if you experienced any messaging around you being a "burden" or "source of suffering"
    • I still feel safe and loved even when others are upset
    • It is safe for me to ask for / receive help 
    • It is safe for me to be seen and to take up space
    • It is safe for me to trust others
    • I always honor my own boundaries and share my thoughts, feelings, wants, and needs
    • I always feel safe to love and be loved
    • I forgive my mom and I forgive myself
    • I accept and appreciate my mother
    • I respect my mother
    • I let go of changing my mother
    • etc.

When working with PSYCH-K®, it can be helpful to investigate secondary gains. Secondary gains are a benefit to remaining the same. For example, remaining angry at my mom may offer me a sense of safety that loving her may threaten. That belief might make it difficult for me to release resentment and to be vulnerable. So to  counter balance that belief I may have balanced "I always feel safe to love and be loved." The result of balancing it would be a willingness to connect, not just with my mom but also others, and deepen relationships.

A word on Individual Balances: These are neither affirmations nor toxic positivity. Instead, they are statements we would like to be true and intentions that are set during the balancing process which facilitate a somatic experience and energetic shift. The transformation is sustained indefinitely post balance.


Action Steps to Heal the Mother Wound

PSYCH-K® may not necessarily change the immediate circumstances, but it does help transform our feelings about them, the meaning we make out of them, and the outlook on what we can create beyond them. PSYCH-K® unlocks our potential and then our actions make that potential manifest. Strategies for creating your new reality will vary based on what you'd like to experience — we can sort it out together.

To explore how PSYCH-K® can help you create a life you love and relationships you enjoy, book a consultation.

Written by Emma Soleil

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