Improve Relationships with PSYCH-K®


PSYCH-K® is extremely useful in creating healthy, fulfilling relationships. It facilitates deep inner peace and a feeling of wholeness regardless of what happens in a relationship and regardless of how that relationship evolves. As a result, in my experience, it becomes much easier to create the relationship you'd like to experience. And when I say relationships I mean every kind: from romantic to platonic to professional to personal. 

For me it has transformed my relationships with my parents, friends, partner, colleague, strangers, and most importantly myself. Having worked now for a number of years with PSYCH-K® and investing significantly in my personal development I can say confidently that PSYCH-K® has been the most profoundly impactful tool for me in this journey. It enabled me to transform my beliefs to support my desired outcomes and act in alignment with that dream to actually create it.


Developing Self Awareness to Improve Relationships

It's important to note that PSYCH-K® requires self awareness in order to be effective. I needed to first know what I believed that was sabotaging my relationships and then determine what I'd rather in order to install that new program. The following reflection points were helpful for me:

  • What is the story I tell myself about this person and how we relate to each other? 
  • Where else in my life has this story emerged (including generationally)? What pattern is there, if any? 
  • Who do I resent and/or resist?
  • Where do I feel deprived of love? 
  • When do I feel afraid of love?
  • How do I co-create to the situation?
  • When do I neglect myself and/or deprioritize myself?
  • What have I heard about relationships and how they progress?
  • What are my needs? How do I meet them? How am I expecting other to meet them?
  • What would I rather?
  • What would I believe about myself, others, relationships, and life in my desired reality? How would I think, feel, and act?

The answers to those questions helped me identify what thoughts, feelings, and beliefs contributed to the creation of my current reality as well as identify what I would rather experience. This second point is important because knowing what you don't want is not the same as knowing what you do want. And it is much easier to create what you'd like once you are clear on what that actually is.  


Envisioning Better Relationships

There's a now retired process of PSYCH-K® which is known as Visual, Audio, Kinesthetic to the Future ("VAK"). As PSYCH-K® has evolved, it has become streamlined in such a way that VAK is no longer needed in reprogramming the subconscious mind. That said, VAK can still be helpful for visualizing a goal for the conscious mind. To use VAK to envision your desired relationship specify:

  1. Visually: What would you see in that reality? What vignette would let you know you've made it? For example, maybe it's a diamond ring on your finger or a picnic with a currently estranged family member with whom you'd like to reconnect.
  2. Audio: 
    • What would you hear others say in that reality?
    • What would you hear yourself say in that reality?
  3. Kinesthetic: How would you feel in this new reality?

The point here is to engage the main senses. If you'd like to go so far as to identify what you'd smell and taste in that reality. The idea is that you give your subconscious a clear understanding of what success looks like to you so that it can unconsciously go about solving for that outcome.


PSYCH-K® Balances for Relationships

With the answers to the reflection prompts, I would then complete the following balances to create the requisite mental, emotional, and physical shift to create my desired relationship:

  • Core Belief Balance — This process is a kind of catch-all designed to create greater harmony mentally, emotionally, and spiritually. I felt much lighter once I completed this Balance and believe it supported my ability to show up in integrity with my own values in relationships 
  • Relationship Balance — Looking in the mirror, I completed this process to balance my relationship with myself so that I could be more at peace with myself. I also did it via surrogation with another PSYCH-K® facilitator to balance meaningful relationships which weighed on my heart
  • Transformation of Perception of Stress Protocol — I completed this process for major traumas I had experienced, which helped me internalize a sense of peace and non attachment around each of them. It removed the emotion (anger, fear, sadness, etc.) from the memories and left neutrality
  • Messages Protocol — Emotions carry messages and the more the message is missed, the more intense the emotion grows. This protocol helps to discern whatever message the situation or condition is trying to communicate so that it can be fully received and then integrated into our being
  • New Reality Protocol — This protocol is a way of getting guidance from our future selves who are already living the life we would like to create and experience. I find it extremely helpful in getting from where I already am to where I would like to be mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually
  • Individual Balances  — Completed for the most part through either the New Direction Balance or the Resolution Balance. For me these included beliefs about myself, relationships, others, and life such as:
    • I trust my partner
    • It is safe for me to love and be loved
    • I can deepen connection and romance in my relationship over time
    • etc.

One thing to note is that the process of applying PSYCH-K® around your relationship can be iterative because at different points in time additional answers to the reflection questions may be revealed. In those cases, repeating the messages protocol and doing any additional individual balances is often helpful. Individual balances are neither affirmations nor toxic positivity. Instead, they are statements we would like to be true and intentions that are set during the balancing process which facilitate a somatic experience and energetic shift. The transformation is sustained indefinitely post balance.


Action Steps to Improve Relationships

PSYCH-K® unlocks our potential so that we can create the reality we prefer and then our actions make that reality manifest. Specific action steps vary by balance, but as it pertains to relationships there are several skills to cultivate including:

  • Non Violent Communication
  • Awareness of your own feelings  — I find cultivating bodily awareness via yoga, fascial maneuvers, and body scans (consciously acknowledging each part of the body) to be most helpful
  • Empathy for others' feelings (without slipping into over empathy)  — I have found that the process of becoming more vulnerable with ourselves and releasing internalized shame increases the capacity for empathy for others
  • Identification of your needs — Reflect on this and write this down. I find for myself I need to feel mentally, emotionally, physically, and spiritually safe in relationship and there are specific (non-negotiable) do's and don'ts to facilitate that feeling for me
  • Willingness to negotiate for those needs — Be brave and stand up for yourself. If you need help cultivating this strength, book a session
  • Active listening — Demonstration that you are indeed paying attention to whatever the other person is saying. This can be accomplished through eye contact, nodding, and summarizing back to someone what (s)he just said
  • Forgiveness — which is not the same as tolerance. If hurtful behavior persists it will erode the relationship
  • and Relational repair  — Reconnecting after conflict / disconnection


How do you rebuild love?

I have found that the only way to rebuild love is with yourself. Speaking from experience, I have felt super disappointed in my relationships and terribly hurt. With the benefit of hindsight, I realize now that all those situations were ultimately manifestations of my unconscious beliefs about myself, others, and what was possible. I played a significant part in co-creating those realities and so knew that change needed to start with me. I did a number of balances to rebuild love within and for me including:

  • I love myself
  • I always feel proud of who I am and what I do
  • I forgive myself
  • I am worthy of the best that love and life have to offer
  • I feel worthy of love just for being
  • I forgive myself for my mistakes
  • I always treat myself with kindness
  • I always put myself first
  • The more I put myself first, the more loved and connected I feel
  • I am always considerate of others
  • I always feel considered
  • I always feel chosen
  • and more...

The point of this exercise was to make sure I fill my own cup before anything else to avoid over extending myself and to prime myself to have a positive perceptions, assumptions, and expectations of others. I reshaped my potential for relationships using PSYCH-K® and then made that potential manifest through my actions. To learn how, join a workshop.


How do you fix problems in a relationship?

To fix problems in a relationship I find the first step is to assess how I co-create the situation through my thoughts, feelings, and actions. Then I use PSYCH-K® to transform those to create the reality I'd prefer to experience. If you'd like to experience how it can help with relationships, book a session

Then I find the other party evolves to co-create that new reality I imagined or they spin out and make space for someone who is a fit for what I envision. Divine timing ensures everything works everything out for me much better than I can even imagine.  


What are 3 ways to make a relationship stronger?

In my experience there are really three main keys to make a relationship better:

  1. Mutual respect
  2. Mutual trust
  3. Mutual affection 

I'm actually not sure a mutually fulfilling and enriching can exist without these three points...


Can a ruined relationship be fixed?

As long as there is a willingness on both sides to repair the relationship, I believe it can be fixed. 


How can you tell your relationship is falling apart?

I can tell if a relationship is falling apart if there is a lack of trust, an unwillingness to connect, dishonesty, resentment, criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling.


What does an unhealthy relationship look like?

There are many characteristics of an unhealthy relationship. Any number of the following characteristics are present in unhealthy relationships:

  • Abuse mentally, emotionally, physically, financially, sexually, and/or spiritually. Please remove yourself from that situation ASAP if this first point applies to you
  • Dishonesty
  • Absence of trust
  • Resentment
  • Criticism
  • Contempt
  • Defensiveness
  • Stonewalling


What keeps a relationship going?

In my experience, what keeps a relationship going beyond utility and a shared vision is a desire to connect through thick and thin and positive beliefs which support the relationship. Personally, I find this easiest to do when both parties respect each other and actually like each other even when the other is not showing up as would be preferred.


How do I make my partner feel loved?

You can make your partner feel loved by communication in their love language. The five love languages are:

  1. Quality time
  2. Words of Affirmation
  3. Gifts
  4. Physical Affection
  5. Acts of Service

The five resonate differently for each person and communicating in their top two or three will have the most impact. For example, I don't particularly care much for acts of service, but I absolutely love physical affection and gifts especially jewelry :)


How do you keep the spark alive in your relationship?

In my experience, you need to first believe that the spark stays alive over time and PSYCH-K® can help you create that mindset. Then action steps towards these three things keep the spark alive in relationships:

  1. Having a shared activity which is playful and progressive
  2. Balanced time apart
  3. And shared novel experiences

The playful shared activity facilitates connection and offers the feeling of progress. Examples of this activity include salsa dancing, partner yoga, and more. 

The balanced time apart is about attraction. Attraction is a bit like a rubber band, too much time apart is like the rubber band getting stretched until it breaks. On the other hand, without time apart, the band loses tension and therefore attraction. Just the right amount of time apart will make it easier to snap back together like the opposite ends of a rubber band. It's also super important to have time in which you are truly present and engaged with each other and can appreciate each other's presence. 

The shared novel experiences help to build memories together to ensure the bond you share is continually deepened over time.


How do you rebuild a broken relationship? 

There are, as I see it, five steps to fixing a relationship:

  1. Reflect and love yourself first
  2. Forgive what's past 
  3. Communicate in the other person's love language
  4. Use non-violent communication around conflict to establish trust and emotional safety / security
  5. Deliberately reconnect through play and novel experiences

I would start first by embodying love for yourself. Treat yourself as you would like others to treat you. Make sure your cup is full before filling others' to avoid over extending yourself and becoming resentful. At the same time honestly assess how you co-create your relationship and begin to show up in a way that is conducive to the new reality you'd like to create.

As long as hurtful behavior is not persistent, I would forgive them because it is impossible to rebuild love where there is resentment. Note that forgiveness is not tolerance, so if the upsetting situation persists it may not be possible to rebuild love. If you'd like help with forgiving, which to be clear is more for you than it is for them, book a session.

In addition to squaring off your relationship to yourself and letting go of the past, I'd find ways to make the other person feel loved. This is accomplished by taking an interest in them and by communicating love in their love language

Conflict is inevitable, so learning how to communicate concerns and frustrations constructively will be key to remaining connected through conflict and reestablishing trust and emotional safety / security. The resource I'd recommend to this end is Non Violent Communication.

Finally, the steps outlined in how to maintain the spark in your relationship apply here to rebuilding love as well.


At what point is a relationship unfixable?

A relationship is unfixable when either party or both parties no longer have a willingness to connect. 


Should I fix my relationship or leave?

I find the PSYCH-K® messages protocol for answering this question. If you'd like to experience it, book a session.

That said, speaking from experience, if there is abuse of any kind (mental, emotional, physical, financial, sexual, and/or spiritual) I would remove myself from that situation immediately. I would then investigate how I would need to transform myself to avoid any recurrence of that experience going forward. Please note that this point is not about victim blaming, but instead doing everything in our power to deliberately create the life we'd prefer to experience. The risk of omitting this step is potentially unintentionally attracting another abusive situation. 

Written by Emma Soleil

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